


To Unravel a Walking Mystery

by NevermindBye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, M/M, Only a little smut, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:56:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5730271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevermindBye/pseuds/NevermindBye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa consists of contradictions. He says one thing and does the other. Like telling all their teammates Ushijima was thick-headed and not even pretty, but kissing him silly in the restroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Unravel a Walking Mystery

 

An enigma. Oikawa was an enigma.

Lying in bed, looking at Oikawa's sleeping form, that is the conclusion Wakatoshi draws. Oikawa is a walking mystery. A bundle of contradictions and inconsistencies. It's nighttime, the city long gone quiet and Wakatoshi counts Oikawa's soft snores. 49.

They're both stark naked and barely covered by blankets, one sleeping, one dreaming. It's warm in their small bedroom. The heater is on even at night because Oikawa insists on sleeping only in booty shorts and an old t-shirt. Or like tonight; only dressed in a thin layer of sweat. Wakatoshi actually prefers to sleep with the window open but he would fool himself if he said he could deny Oikawa anything.

Wakatoshi can only wonder how they ended up like this. In their shared apartment, sharing a bed, sharing most of Wakatoshi's t-shirts, sharing basically everything. Where once was a line are now Oikawa's big, round chocolate eyes and Wakatoshi giving in to whatever Oikawa wants.

He knows that he's stupid. He knows he is only Oikawa's plaything. He knows that he is so, so stupid for thinking he could lull Oikawa into something more than- whatever this is. Even though he is sure that he does not mean nothing to Oikawa. But Oikawa is too stubborn to ever admit that. Openly or to himself. To see that they're basically in a very loving relationship. Who would have thought.

 

* * *

 

 

It was in Wakatoshi's first week of his first year in college when he noticed a mop of fluffy tufts of brown hair sitting in the front row of their lecture hall. And then again at their first volleyball practice. That was also when Wakatoshi first approached him. Upon entering the gym he spotted Oikawa chatting amicably with one of their senpai. Oikawa has always been a people person. Always spreading his charms, tossing his smiles as if they were worth nothing at all.

Wakatoshi walked up to him and as if sensing his presence Oikawa turned around. Surprise visible in his eyes for only a split second before he composed himself again. Setting his jaw and crossing his arms in front of his chest he made a "tsk" noise.

"My, my, Ushiwaka-chan, I would have thought creepily sneaking up on someone would be beneath even someone like you," he drawled. Their senpai looked at Wakatoshi confusedly.

"It's good to see you made the right choice, Oikawa-san," Wakatoshi said and bowed slightly before walking to the changing rooms.

 

After that Wakatoshi approached Oikawa whenever he saw him. Oikawa was light when he was a moth. He long admitted to himself that what he felt for the boy went beyond pure admiration of his talents. Even though that clearly was one of the reasons Wakatoshi felt himself drawn to Oikawa, there were dozens of other aspects of him that Wakatoshi found very lovable. He was strong and determined, witty and smart, always working hard, working on himself, working on his gameplay. Very admirable.

Still, Wakatoshi also long admitted to himself that his affections were never going to be reciprocated.

 

They shared some lectures and while Oikawa obviously tried to avoid him, Wakatoshi stubbornly sat next to him whenever he had the opportunity. And after the initial bickering Oikawa slowly began to warm up to his presence. Sometimes they even held normal conversations, sometimes Oikawa explained some things written on the blackboard Wakatoshi had not understood, sometimes Oikawa even shared some gossip. But he decidedly denied that they were friends.

"Ew, Ushiwaka-chan, who would want to be friends with you?"

Being Oikawa's not-friend had some perks. He could sit next to him in lectures, could occasionally - accidentally - brush his hand or arm or knee, could play volleyball with him even outside of practice, could admire his milky skin when Oikawa was occupied with studying, and Oikawa had stunningly beautiful skin, and - simply be by his side whenever Oikawa allowed him to.

Being Oikawa's not-friend was also difficult sometimes. Wakatoshi was around Oikawa enough to notice how other people reacted to him. He was popular. Of course people liked him; he was charming and witty and pretty and he was good with people and everything Wakatoshi wasn't. He was admirable. He was lovable. Very, very lovable.

Girls would constantly approach him, ask him for his number or a coffee date and Oikawa rarely declined. After a few months though, Oikawa grew sick of those girls. He was still charming and still friendly, but he would send them away more often. Wakatoshi was hopeful at first but then he understood why. What changed.

Oikawa was sick of pretending, he told him some time after practice, sick of conforming to norms. He admitted he wasn't interested in girls, not one bit. He said he was as gay as can be, always has been and now he was tired of acting straight. But as if him openly being gay would stop the hoards of girls to try their luck with him. But now he always sent them away with an empathetic smile and a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Wakatoshi was hopeful. He thought now he might had a chance. As if.

Now, boys approached Oikawa and even worse: Oikawa approached boys. Oikawa liked boys, kissed them, dated them. Went home with them, flirted with them. He liked boys but he still did not like Wakatoshi.

 

"Oikawa-san, may I ask you a question," Wakatoshi said when they were sitting in the canteen with some of their teammates. Oikawa had told them about a disastrous date he went on last friday, with a boy he had approached in the library.

"Why do you always have to be so weird Ushiwaka-chan. If you want to ask something, just do so," Oikawa scolded. Wakatoshi was used to this. He was used to Oikawa making fun of him, used of him calling him that ridiculous nickname, used of him treating him like an alien.

"Why do you never tell any of those boys no when they ask you out on a date?" Their teammates looked at him with raised eyebrows. They probably thought Wakatoshi was implying something, something rude, but Oikawa seemed to not think so, or chose to ignore it.

"Well, Ushiwaka-chan, you wouldn't understand, would you? Nobody ever asks you out," Oikawa laughed. That was not true and Oikawa knew it. Wakatoshi was asked out on dates regularly but he always politely refused. And frankly, Wakatoshi suspected Oikawa to know the reason for that, too. And also that Oikawa seemed to choose to ignore this, too.

"But because I'm a friendly person, I will enlighten you, Ushiwaka," Oikawa said. "All those boys are very brave to even approach me, considering my charms and beauty, and I consider being brave to be a very admirable character trait, so I want to reward them of course. And if they're doing good I might reward them some more." he winked and their teammates laughed.

Wakatoshi could not laugh.

Being brave, huh.

"Oikawa-san, would you like to go out on a date with me, then?" He was entirely serious but the other boys laughed even harder.

Oikawa's laugh was the loudest.

"Silly Ushiwaka-chan! Who would want to go on a date with you? You're thick-headed and not even pretty!"

The boys howled with laughter. Oikawa looked smug. Their table drew some attention; people stopped eating and instead looked at them, whispering.

Wakatoshi excused himself from the table.

 

He went to the restrooms that were luckily empty. He looked in the mirror only to see his expressionless face. Not even pretty. He splashed some water to his face and neck, bowing his head longer than necessary.

Wakatoshi knew defeat.

It's not that he lost all the time. But when he did, it was grave. He could handle it. He could handle being defeated. But this was something else. Normally when he lost it was because his abilities were not sufficient. This time, however, he had been foolish. He had done something reckless, something stupid. Silly Ushiwaka-chan.

The door opened and Wakatoshi quickly turned to dry his hands with some paper towels. One, two, three steps and it was quiet. Wakatoshi turned around again and there stood Oikawa. Hands on his hips, face impatient. Wakatoshi opened his mouth to speak, to demand some space when Oikawa made one, two, three quick steps and pressed his lips to Wakatoshi's. His powerful hands with those long, delicate fingers on Wakatoshi's jaw, keeping him in place. Before Wakatoshi could close his eyes or even kiss him back, Oikawa stepped back again. Arms crossed.

"Pick me up at seven and wear something nice. No sports clothing! Take me somewhere fancy," he said and left Wakatoshi standing in the university's restrooms, mouth kissed and his skin tingling where Oikawa had touched him.

Oikawa was an enigma, he thought as he touched his lips and saw his smiling reflection in the mirror.

 

 

From that day on Oikawa kept pressing his lips to Wakatoshi's. He even allowed Wakatoshi to press his lips to Oikawa's from time to time.

As far as Wakatoshi could evaluate, their first date was a good one. He took Oikawa to a fancy restaurant in the city and afterwards on a walk through the near-by park, even lending Oikawa his jacket when he got cold. Oikawa rewarded him with another kiss, and at the end of the night with another. And then invited Wakatoshi to his room, claiming his roommate was not there that night. Wakatoshi understood the hidden invitation and was skeptical at first. But when Oikawa kissed him into the wall and let him touch his butt he was the biggest believer.

Oikawa shooed him out the next morning (but still kissed him goodbye).

Wakatoshi wasn't too hopeful. He knew that Oikawa did not want anything serious and he noticed Oikawa being anxious at first, when they met at practice. But when Wakatoshi didn't say anything about their date he visibly relaxed.

A couple of days later they went on another date. This time Wakatoshi took him to the movies to see a silly horror film. Not even halfway in, Oikawa was sitting in his lap and Wakatoshi's tongue was in his mouth. That night they went to his own dorm room. In the morning Wakatoshi made breakfast and even though Oikawa did not expect the sentiment and was very skeptical at first, he ate everything Wakatoshi set on his plate.

Their third date they stayed in and watched movies (the credits of their first film on a loop, while they were busy rocking into each other). The fourth date they went to a volleyball match of Wakatoshi's old school. His old team won and he celebrated by eating Oikawa out for the first time. The fifth date Oikawa complained he was tired and in a foul mood, and so they spent a quiet night on the couch, Oikawa decidedly avoiding the term 'cuddling'.

(One night Wakatoshi asked Oikawa if he was seeing other people and Oikawa responded with "Of course, Ushiwaka-chan, do you think I could ever be satisfied with only you?" (Oikawa was very satisfied when he fell asleep on Wakatoshi's chest that night)).

At the end of their first semester Wakatoshi suggested looking for a flat together because they always were together anyways. Oikawa said, "Ew no, I don't want to find Ushiwaka-chan's dirty socks on the ground in the morning". Five weeks later they unpacked their things in their new apartment.

 

* * *

 

Oikawa consisted of contradictions. He said one thing and did the other. Because of that Wakatoshi eventually did grow hopeful. They were basically a couple. He couldn't have wished for more. Not in his wildest dreams he would have thought that one day he had to wash Oikawa's boxer briefs or cook for him in the evening or watch stupid documentaries on the couch with him.

He never would've guessed Oikawa would let him see beneath his perfect demeanor. Because Oikawa actually was kind of dorky. He was awfully fond of fast food, even though he claimed to only eat healthy stuff. He was obsessed with bad horror movies and loved reading about conspiracy theories. Wakatoshi often came home only to find Oikawa sitting on their bed with Wakatoshi's laptop on his stomach and watching Top 10 videos of the most terrifying ghosts caught on camera. He had way too many shirts with either aliens or godzilla printed onto them. The latter because the monster reminded him of his Iwa-chan, Oikawa claimed. He missed his mom and sister very much and often called them. When he was in a bad mood he liked watching romcoms only to complain about the stupid plot and generic characters. Non-stop he listed things that were either stereotypical, misogynistic or plain stupid.

Wakatoshi loved this Oikawa. He really did. He loved him so much he sometimes found himself shaking his head over his stupidity. Because Oikawa obviously did not love him back.

One night he lay in bed, playing with Oikawa's hair, when he had an urge to call him by his name.

"Tooru," he quietly said.

"Hm?" Oikawa did not even hesitate. No flinching, no scolding.

"You do remember my real name, don't you?"

"Silly Ushiwaka, there are more important things I have to remember," Oikawa mumbled.

Wakatoshi did not respond. He stopped stroking Oikawa's hair but let his fingers stay woven in the soft strands. After a few quiet moments he felt Oikawa shift. He gently pressed his lips to Wakatoshi's sternum before laying his head back down on his chest.

Wakatoshi resumed stroking his hair. The spot where Oikawa had kissed him burned and ached.

 

They were at practice, a few weeks before a match. Oikawa kept not getting his serve right and it obviously outraged him. His brows were furrowed and he kept biting the inside of his cheek. He started to limp. That was when Wakatoshi decided to intervene.

"Tooru-"

"Ushiwaka-chan! How daring of you to call me that," Oikawa interrupted. "Mhh, I don't remember giving you permission to call me that, did I?"

There was that ugly, ugly fake smile.

Wakatoshi decided to call Iwaizumi.

That evening Oikawa snuggled up to him in bed like nothing had happened. He threw his leg over Wakatoshi's  lap, pressing his face to Wakatoshi's neck.

Wakatoshi patted his bad knee softly. That was that.

 

People started to notice something was different, of course. Their gameplay was getting better and better, they both were in top form. Their dynamic was flawless. And even off-court they acted differently. Oikawa still made fun of Wakatoshi, but now without the intention to actually hurt him. Wakatoshi was now allowed to state his opinion and to suggest things without Oikawa talking him down afterwards. He could comment on Oikawa's jump serves without getting insults spat at him. Some of his teammates even approached him, asking him if they were fucking now.

"We are in a relationship," Wakatoshi would answer.

They've been dating for a year now. Wakatoshi thought they were in the clear. He thought Oikawa might someday be able to admit he liked him even a little bit.

 

At their home Oikawa was surprisingly quite affectionate. He would let Wakatoshi rest his head in his lap, would water his plants when he was too tired from his part-time job, would wash his hair in the shower, with gentle fingers massaging his scalp, he would praise him when they were having sex.

"Oh god, Ushiwaka, yes, yes, you're so good," he moaned against Wakatoshi's collarbones, his hands clinging to his shoulderblades.

It was dark in their room, the only sounds the collision of flesh, their moaning and whispered words of praise and encouragement and affection.

Wakatoshi was buried deep inside of Oikawa. They had stopped using condoms a few months ago after both of them got themselves tested. To Wakatoshi it meant that Oikawa was finally okay with admitting to himself they were a couple.

He rocked his hips into Oikawa, firmly, steadily, lovingly. Oikawa's long legs wrapped around his thighs, urging him deeper.

Oikawa was beautiful like this. Breathless and with rosy cheeks and sweaty skin, moaning and panting, arching his back beautifully and throwing his head back into the pillows whenever Wakatoshi changed the angle.

Oikawa gripped the back of Wakatoshi's neck, implying he wanted a kiss. Wakatoshi leaned down willingly, nudging his mouth against Oikawa's plush lips. They were well-kissed already, red and bitten and swollen. He was awfully, pleasantly fond of kissing. At a particularly well directed thrust Oikawa opened his mouth wide in a moan. They panted into each other's mouths, being as close as physically possible.

"Ushiwaka, please," Oikawa breathed.

Wakatoshi let his hand wander over Oikawa's ribs, over his belly button to his painfully hard, deep red cock. He started to lazily pump it, caressing his soft foreskin with his fingertips.

"You're beautiful," Wakatoshi whispered against Oikawa's delicious mouth.

"Ah," Oikawa moaned loudly, pressing his face into the pillow.

Wakatoshi felt his muscles tensing, Oikawa's body going regid. He added pressure to his pumps and a few strokes later, Oikawa pressed his eyes shut and dug his nails into Wakatoshi's back. He came whimpering and pliant in his strong arms.

Wakatoshi's thrusts got quicker and he sucked a hickey into the skin of Oikawa's neck.

"Stay with me, stay with me," he mumbled against Oikawa's collarbones. Oversensitive and worn out, Oikawa pressed back against Wakatoshi's hips.

"Yes, yes, ah,'' Oikawa moaned. Wakatoshi came hard.

 

To him it felt like making love but Oikawa kept calling it fucking.

 

* * *

 

 

The next week one of their kouhai approached Oikawa during practice after Wakatoshi had pressed a kiss to Oikawa's forehead.

"Say, Oikawa-san, are you and Ushiwaka-san a couple?" he asked. Oikawa laughed.

"Don't be stupid, little kouhai, we're not even friends. We're fuck buddies at most! I'm only letting him do that out of pity," Oikawa said.

Wakatoshi dropped the ball he was holding, letting it roll towards where Oikawa and the first year were standing. Oikawa looked up, surprise in his eyes. His mouth opened as if he wanted to say something. Nothing came out.

 

* * *

 

At night Oikawa was gentle, hesitant, attentive. He traced the veins on Wakatoshi's forearms when they were sitting on their couch watching just another stupid horror movie. Wakatoshi could tell Oikawa expected him to try to talk about what happened that day. But Wakatoshi remained quiet. Very quiet. Oikawa kissed his wrist tenderly, looking up at him through his long eyelashes. Wakatoshi looked back. Oikawa's face was so beautiful he had the sudden urge to cry, to scream, to kiss every spot on it. He eventually pressed his lips to Oikawa's forehead. He liked doing that. Oikawa liked him doing that. A small, sad smile crossed Oikawa's features before he turned his head to look at the TV again.

Wakatoshi was long used to the ache Oikawa ignited in him that day in the canteen and in the restroom afterwards. That was what loving Oikawa felt like.

 

* * *

 

 

They graduated college and Wakatoshi was warmly welcomed to Japan's national volleyball team. Oikawa hadn't played volleyball in over a year now. He fucked up his knee one late night at the gym. Instead of calling an ambulance, he had called Iwaizumi who was furious. He rushed to the gym and then rushed to the hospital. Wakatoshi remembers how worried he was that night. Oikawa did not return home, no messages, no calls, nothing. He went to the gym but found it empty, he searched the campus, ran through the city, looked for Oikawa in bars and pubs. He called their teammates, Oikawa's mom, his nephew. Wakatoshi was worried sick; he imagined countless scenarios, one worse than the other and then- then Iwaizumi had the mercy to call him.

"Hello?" Wakatoshi was breathless.

"Ushijima? Hi, it's Iwaizumi."

"Iwaizumi? Are you with Oikawa?" That was one of the scenarios. Oikawa finally getting sick of Wakatoshi, leaving him, leaving him for someone he had known for all his life, someone he trusted deeply, someone that could care better for him, love him better.

"Yeah, yeah... He's - Oikawa's not too good. You should come. We're at the hospital."

"The hospital? What happened, is he- tell me he's okay, please, oh god..."

"Hey, no, Oikawa is fine, or well, he's not dying. It's his knee."

Wakatoshi didn't need Iwaizumi to elaborate. He drove to the hospital and found a sobbing Oikawa. He looked miserable, inconsolable. Iwaizumi was sitting next to him, awkwardly trying to comfort him. Wakatoshi stood in the doorway looking at the scene. Oikawa was fine. He was fine but not okay. This changed so much. It changed everything.

"Wakatoshi," Tooru cried. That brought him back to reality. He quickly walked up to where Oikawa was lying on the hospital bed. Iwaizumi retreated slowly, giving them space. He still was Tooru's number one person, but he never has been good at spending comforting words. Not that Wakatoshi was, either.

Tooru reached out his arms and Wakatoshi let him pull him down onto the bed. He held Oikawa tightly, probably too tightly. He kissed his hair, again and again. Pressing tiny little kisses to wherever he could reach. Tooru was still crying.

"It's going to be okay, you're okay, it's okay," Wakatoshi chanted.

Tooru cried the whole night.

In the morning he was quiet. He was quiet for a long time after that. He stopped going to practice, stopped meeting up with his teammates, stopped eating, stopped taking care of himself. He was quiet and empty. And cried-out.

But it got better. Tooru needed time, lots of it, and Wakatoshi gave him just that. He was always there when Tooru wanted him and when he needed space Wakatoshi slept on one of his teammates' couch.

They managed. Wakatoshi was pushed away almost daily but Tooru kept inviting him back into his life. They managed. He expected Tooru to break up with him, but he never did. When he wasn't there, spending the night at his teammate's, Tooru still watered his little plants. Still folded his laundry. Still thought of him. So they managed.

 

And now they were graduates. On graduation day Wakatoshi was hoping to at least get a photo with Oikawa, something to keep for future memory, but what he got was a handshake. And a photo of their entire team, Oikawa standing front row, Wakatoshi in the back. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter.

 

* * *

 

"We should look for other flats soon. We'll both earn enough money for a nicer apartment, don't you think?" Wakatoshi suggested. They were curled up on the floor next to the couch, naked, pleasantly sore. He was stroking Tooru's arm when he spoke.

"Oh, so you already decided for me to continue to share a flat with you, typical of you, Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa chirped in a teasing tone.

"I thought that would be nice. I want to live with you, I thought you would want that, too."

"Nice living with me? My, my, Ushiwaka, how come?" Oikawa laughed.

"Of course I like living with you. I love you."

Oikawa grew stiff beside him. He made a fist with the hand that was not currently in Wakatoshi's.

"Silly Ushiwaka-chan."

 

* * *

 

 

That was a couple of hours ago. An enigma. Wakatoshi looks down at Tooru; his lips slightly parted, his hair all over the place. He loves this man. And he keeps telling himself that Oikawa must feel something for him, too, if he agreed to stay with him. Something. Anything. _Hope, hope, hope_.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa is out with his sister. He called Wakatoshi half an hour ago to pick him up at a cafe in town close to his workplace. Wakatoshi is anticipating this. It means he would finally meet someone from Oikawa's family aside from his nephew. Usually Oikawa avoides introducing him to anyone. Sometimes he picks up the phone in their apartment and it's Oikawa's mother or father, he then tells them he was Oikawa's roommate, unsure if Oikawa was out to his parents. Oikawa had never mentioned him before, his mother told him.

He was probably not too sure as to what he should introduce him as. He never calls Wakatoshi his boyfriend, or even his friend. "Fuck-buddy" was the only term he had ever heard Oikawa use. Wakatoshi wants to make it easier for him.

It's been five years of them living together, their anniversary is on Saturday this week. When Oikawa called, Wakatoshi was just stepping out of the jewelry store. The small box burns in his jacket pocket. He wears a small satisfied smile on his lips when he enters the cafe Oikawa told him to meet him.

Wakatoshi spots the back of his head. He's sitting in a booth across from a very beautiful young woman. It is obvious that she is Oikawa's sister. Oikawa only ever considers one person to be prettier than himself and even though Wakatoshi is admittedly greatly biased he has to admit that she is hard competition to his Tooru.

He gets close enough to pick up some of their conversation.

"So, is it serious with this Ushiwaka-chan? Does he treat you right? Do you love him?"

Wakatoshi stops in his track.

"Don't be silly nee-chan, of course I don't love him. He is great in bed, that's it! I could never love that moron. " Oikawa laughs.

His sister's eyes shift to where Wakatoshi is standing. He can't move, breathe, speak. _Hope, hope, hope_.

Oikawa is still laughing when he turns to see what his sister is looking at. His smile freezes.

His mouth opens as if he wanted to say something. Nothing comes out.

Wakatoshi turns and finally leaves.

 

At their apartment Wakatoshi grabs one of his sports bags and starts stuffing random pieces of clothing inside among other things. He goes to his work desk to grab his planner. His eyes fall on the framed picture that's standing on the windowsill behind his desk. It's a selfie Oikawa took when they were still in college. His smile is bright and disarming. He shows a peace sign. In the background stands Wakatoshi, furrowed brows, volleyball in hand, looking at Oikawa. Wakatoshi grabs it and throws it against the wall.

That's when he hears the familiar click of their entrance door.

"Ushiw-. Ushijima?" Oikawa's careful voice.

Wakatoshi emerges from the bedroom, bag in hand. Oikawa awkwardly stands in the center of their kitchen/living room, fiddling with his keys. He looks shy.

"So you do remember my name," Wakatoshi says. "What a relief."

He goes to the kitchen, grabbing a few things. He thinks of taking his favorite mug with him (that actually became his favorite mug when he caught Oikawa drinking coffee from it) and decides against it.

"Of course I do!" Oikawa says, following him into the kitchen. Wakatoshi ignores him, grabbing his mother's hand knitted oven mitts and puts them in the bag, as well.

"What are you doing! Stop!"

At that Wakatoshi halts and looks at him. He seems young like this. Without his flamboyant attitude, that cocky smile. This is just Tooru.

"I'm leaving, that's what I'm doing."

"What? Because of what I said to my sister? That was just a joke! A stupid little joke! You know me, Ushiwaka-chan. That's how I am!" A dry laugh escapes his throat.

"So you do love me then? That makes it even worse," Wakatoshi says. "If you didn't love me you'd be just an asshole. But if you really love me you're not only an asshole but also a coward." He spat those words directly into Oikawa's face.

Oikawa's composure breaks. His bottom lip trembles slightly, his forehead creasing into a frown. Tears start running down his cheeks. Oikawa has never cried for anyone else but himself.

"I thought you were just not that verbal. I thought you had difficulties with coming out or whatever. I thought it was hard for you accept that you're with me now, your 'arch-nemesis'. I always thought of your actions in your favor. Look where that brought us," Wakatoshi says.

Oikawa is close to sobbing now. His chest rising irregularly, red blotches appearing in his face and on his neck.

"Stay," he cries. "Please, stay."

Wakatoshi grabs his jacket angrily. Oikawa's tears make him angry. Because they could have been happy. He had done everything he could. They could've been happy.

The box tumbles to the floor. Wakatoshi had all but forgotten about it. He kneels down, grabs it.

"I wanted to stay," he says and thrusts it into Tooru's hand.

He opens the door to their little apartment, their home, and without looking back he leaves.

 

* * *

 

 

The crying comes when he lies on the guest bed at his brother's. The window open. When he was still a kid, he only ever cried when he didn't understand something. When he grew up he never really cried anymore. It was irrational, didn't amount to anything.

Now he's lying in bed, in his brother's house, where his brother lives with his pregnant wife. This room would be the nursery in a couple of months.

He cried quietly. Sleep did not come to him that night.

When Wakatoshi rang the doorbell and his brother opened up it had been late already. Wakatoshi had sat in the car for hours. Weighing his options. Overthinking and thinking again.

"Stay" Oikawa had said. Only that. He could've said so much. So much. The possibilities were endless. And he said "stay".

 

* * *

 

 

Wakatoshi calls in sick for the week. He knows he should train for olympics. That it was important. But he lacked any strength. He felt light. He wouldn't be surprised if he looked down and found himself inches above the ground, hovering in the air, because he felt so light. Empty. Hollow. He once was filled with hope, hope, hope.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Toshi, you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

 

"Toshi, how about you go out with some of your teammates?"

"I'm tired."

 

"Toshi, I know that you're going through some tough shit, right now. But Yuna is pregnant and we still need to prepare some things... You've been here for weeks now-"

"It's okay, I'll call Tendou."

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, it's Iwaizumi."

"So he told you to talk to me about when I pick up my things?"

"That's not what I wanted to talk about. Tooru, he's-"

"I don't care. I'll send someone to pick up my things tomorrow."

"Ushijima, he really-"

"Yeah. Me, too."

 

* * *

 

 

He moves in with Tendou. His flat is incredibly small, Wakatoshi occupies the couch and a drawer in Tendou's room.

 

* * *

 

 

Volleyball practice helps to clear his head. Volleyball is easy, it's simple, Wakatoshi knows how to do that. The other players of course notice that Wakatoshi looks paler, slimmer even, unhappy, tired. They don't ask him what's wrong. He had told them that he wanted to propose. They could make the connection themselves.

 

* * *

 

Tendou keeps telling him he could do better anyways that, yeah, Oikawa is fucking pretty but way too fucked up. They go to bars sometimes, Tendou to pick up girls, Wakatoshi to fill his hollowness with Long Island Ice Tea.

 

* * *

 

 

It's the morning after one of those nights. Tendou took a chick home with him, Wakatoshi went to the 7/11 to buy some ear plugs.

He's still in his pajama pants when he hears the doorbell ring. It's still early in the morning, but not so early it would be impolite to visit someone. Wakatoshi shuffles through the clutter that is spread across the floor of Tendou's apartment. The bell rings again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he mumbles tiredly. It has been a short night.

He unlocks the door and swings it open.

 

Tooru is thin. Incredibly thin.

 

That's the first thought Wakatoshi has when he sees the man standing in front of him.

"Hi," he says, a wobbly smile appearing on his lips before it's vanishing again.

"Hi," Wakatoshi echoes unhelpfully.

He looks at Oikawa. He's wearing a plain sweatshirt, plain jeans, sneakers, his glasses. Why is he so thin. Why can't he take care of himself. Why does he do that to himself, why-

"August 11th 2016: Iwa-chan, I can't believe I kissed Ushiwaka-chan and it even felt nice what the hell," Oikawa says. Confused at first, Wakatoshi notices the mobile in his hands. Oikawa looks at him shortly, then back down at his old iphone.

"September 7th 2016: I think he thinks we're dating. I don't know what to think of that Iwa-chan! I mean the sex is phenomenal but it's still Ushiwaka-chan, you know?"

"Oikawa, what are you-"

"October 16th 2016: I think we're dating. I'm dating Ushiwaka-chan, imagine telling that to seventeen year old me, Iwa-chan! It's so weird." Oikawa continues.

"November 29th 2016: I really really like spending time with him, I feel so weird, Iwa-chan. Why does he have to be so nice all the time? When I'm being difficult he doesn't punch me like you do, he usually kisses me or pats my hair or eats me out real good. What's up with that?

"November 29th 2017: We didn't even pretend we needed a second bedroom. I think we're being really domestic and cute, what do you think, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa laughs at that and even Wakatoshi cracks a smile. Oikawa sighs.

"January 1st 2018: We've been together for almost two years and I couldn't kiss him at midnight. I couldn't do it. Not when all the others could see. What's wrong with me, Iwa-chan? I feel so disgusting." His voice cracks at the end. A tear rolls down Oikawa's chin.

"March 23rd 2019: Wakatoshi never tells me he loves me. I know he does. I know he tells others without hesitation. It's my fault. He knows that when he tells me I won't say it back. Sometimes I wonder why he's still around.

"June 15th 2019: I feel like a piece of shit, Iwa-chan. I don't deserve this. Any of this. Him"

They're both crying now. Wakatoshi tentatively reaches out a hand.

"July 15th 2019: He is so hot. I swear to gold. And he doesn't even realize it. That makes him 38% hotter.

"May 28th 2020: God, Iwa-chan. I need to tell him. I know I have to. But I'm scared. I'm scared everything will change and that I hurt him even more. I know I do. I constantly hurt him and he never says anything. What's wrong with him? He has to be fucked up to love me, he has to."

"Tooru, stop. It's okay. It's okay," Wakatoshi says because what else was he supposed to do. He's always ever wanted for Oikawa to be okay, to be happy, to feel loved. He never denied Oikawa anything. He tries to hug him, but Oikawa stops him, holding up a hand, indicating him so stay back.

"August 8th 2021: In three days it's gonna be five years. I'm gonna tell him that I love him. Isn't it sad that I can only tell him after five years? I've loved him for at least four. I practiced saying it, isn't that hilarious? I put his sleeping shirt over one of our kitchen chairs and told it instead. That's so stupid. But I can say it now. I love him."

At that Oikawa puts his mobile back into his pants pocket and brushes away his tears. His nose is all red. Wakatoshi can't help himself, he puts his arms around Oikawa's thin frame and pulls him close. It feels so good. So good.

He buries his nose in Oikawa's hair, inhaling deeply. Oikawa is still crying and he possibly is, too. Oikawa finally wraps his arms around Wakatoshi's waist and squeezes.

"Is it too late? Am I?" he whispers.

Wakatoshi kisses Oikawa's hair, his forehead, his red runny nose. He bumps his forehead to Oikawa's.

 

"Um, can I, please-" A petite blonde appears in the doorway. "Don't bother me, I'm just gonna leave real quick."

Oikawa looks up at the unfamiliar voice, shock clear on his face. The blonde squeezes past them, smiles and hurries down the floor.

"Is she-? I mean, I have no right-"

"Tendou. She was with Tendou," Wakatoshi laughs and Oikawa laughs along.

 

* * *

 

 

In the evening Oikawa texts Iwaizumi again.

 

December 12th 2021: We talked. I think we'll manage.

 

* * *

 

 

After some more weeks on Tendou's couch Wakatoshi moves back in with Oikawa. Nothing has really changed in their apartment. They touch a lot. Simple things like letting their hands brush against each other occasionally, hugs, loosely holding hands, hugs, chaste kisses. They go on dates. Real dates. Oikawa admits they are dates. He tells his parents about his boyfriend, Wakatoshi not Ushiwaka, tells them they've been together for over five years. They tell their friends even though they mostly already knew. But it's important to Oikawa, to tell others that yes, him and silly Ushiwaka-chan are not only doing the do, but are stupidly in love, too. It's all good. But there still is the elephant in the room.

 

Wakatoshi sits on their couch and watches a documentary on serial killers when Oikawa comes out of the bedroom dressed in booty shorts and a thin t-shirt, the heater is on. He looks impish, hiding something behind his back. Wakatoshi throws one arm over the back of the couch, inviting Tooru to snuggle up to him. Tooru throws his long legs over Wakatoshi's lap and rests his head on his muscular shoulder. He takes Wakatoshi's larger hand in his, pressing something into his palm and closing Toshi's fingers over it. It's cool to the touch and tiny.

Curious, Wakatoshi looks at Tooru and then at the thing in his hand. It's the ring. The ring he wanted to propose to Tooru with. The ring that is engraved with their anniversary and a short phrase: 'beyond words'.

"I want you to ask me. Not tonight, not tomorrow. Sometime when I wouldn't suspect it. But ask me. If you still want to, of course." At that Tooru looks bashful.

Wakatoshi kisses him.

 

* * *

 

 

It's their college volleyball team's reunion. They walk into the restaurant hand in hand. When their former Kouhai asks Oikawa if they were in a relationship he laughs happily.

"Of course not, who would ever want to be in a relationship with Wakatoshi-chan?" When he spots Wakatoshi looking at him he opens his mouth as if to say something. Nothing comes out.

Instead he leans over, smiling, kissing him gently, cupping his face with the hand he wears his ring on. He still criticises those romcoms when he's in a mood. He never ever makes sense.

 

Oikawa Tooru, Wakatoshi thinks, consisted of contradictions. Good thing that he loved solving riddles.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was never intended to be SO cheesy.  
> I haven't written anything in 400 years so please be kind to me! 
> 
> Want to chat? Be friends? Ask something? -> http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/


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